You Can't Save Me ((Yugo,Mature))

Shen softly nodded. This time when she reached out for his hand, he didn't pull away. He was actually sincere about his promise. As long as Kate kept her end on the bargain he'd forgive her...it might take a while, but he'd forgive her nonetheless. "You should lay back and try not to move too much." Shen suggest while he raised Ceres up and laid her face gently on his shoulder. "Your stitches wont heal for a little while. When the time comes I can recommend a doctor for the scaring. Right now tho our prime concern is your rest. You'll have to take things slowly." Shen replied softly. It was hard...it was so hard to sit there in her room and try to have a casual conversation. Shen kept telling himself that it was for Ceres and her future tho. "So...I'm curious why did you name her Ceres of all names?"

Shen was finally where Kate had been 7 months ago. He had never been able to understand how much pain he had put her through, and never got why Kathrine was unable to forgive him. He was the same as her now. Hating her...for putting him through such torment. And now here she was unable to ever remember such things again. She looked up at him with tearful hues as he struggled to give her his demands before being able to forgive her. Her violet hues brightened just a bit and she nodded, wiping her eyes. O-of course....I'll do anything for her Shen....She's a part of both f us...a part of you, how can I not want to give her the best of me?" She said and looked up at him. "And I would never....ever take her away from you Shen....I swear it" She said, reaching over and grabbing his hand looking up at him. She winced and pulled back, grabbing her stomach where she felt a pinch in her stitches.

Shen couldn't help but to smile as Ceres' eyes opened. He sat back down while holding her closely against his chest. For the moment, he just wanted to enjoy the bond he was trying to develop with his daughter. Then, it happened. Shen would have been content with leaving the past alone, but Kate seemed reluctant to let it be. "Forgiveness?" Shen blinked as he tore his eyes away from his daughter. He gave Kate a hard stare. Honestly, he couldn't believe those words had come out of her mouth. How ironic. Now the tables had been turned and she was the one begging him. Shen closed his eyes. Oh, how he wanted to return the words she had spoken that night 7 months ago. Would anyone blame him? Shen was sure that it would feel good. However, as he listened to the soft cooing sounds coming from his baby, Shen knew that torturing Katherine wouldn't get him anywhere. He wasn't sure if was necessarily wrong...but to be fair he was also extremely confused. After a period of silence which seemed to last for an eternity, Shen spoke. "You want to know...what you need to do?" he asked softly, his body lightly shaking from the frustration swirling inside him. "Verywell." Shen replied softly and turned so he was facing Kate. "Put Ceres' needs before your own. Do everything in your power to help me raise her. Promise you'll protect her from hard. Be the best mother you can. Above all else....s-swear....that you'll never try to take her away from me. You do that...Y-You do that...and I'll forgive...you..."

Kathrine lowered her head to let her bangs cover her eyes as she started to cry. "How can you say that....." She whimpered. "I've forgotten two years worth.....how can you tell me to forget what I have left....I fell asleep...the happiest girl in the world....to wake up and find out...I'm missing two years.....of my life....a life I fucked up....because I'm not with you..." She said. She handed Ceres to him after kissing her baby's cheek. Ceres cooed and opened dull violet hues looking up at Shen. The little girl gurgled, her tiny hand stretching out and grabbing hold of the blanket she was wrapped in.

Shen flinched when she touched him. This was how it was now. He could hardly look at her, yet alone touch or allow her to touch him. Shen's eyes soon found the floor. If only her apology had come a few months ago...if only they had been able to move past all the pain...most likely, things would have been very different between them. They'd be in NY and would be two happy parents celebrating the birth of their child instead of two miserable ones. Shen had remained dead silent during her apology. Honestly, he didn't know what to do with it. He couldn't forgive her either. He had tried hard to work things out. Sure, he had slipped up by kissing Himiko, but they hadn't been together at the time, as he had tried to explain. Still, he had apologized. It wasn't enough tho. She had left without word to where she'd be going or when she'd be back. In Shen's mind it was highly possible she'd do something like that again. "Katherine...we should focus more on Ceres...forget about our past please." Shen whispered while his eyes were still glued to the floor. His body was shaking lightly. He never thought in a million years he'd ask to simply forget about their relationship. "Ah...anyway..." shen whispered as he wiped his eyes and stood to his feet. "I'll work on finding you a place so leave it to me." he replied softly. Shen took a few steps towards the bed and held out his hands. "May I hold her please?" he asked. Shen hadn't been able to hold Ceres for very long. He wanted to make up for loss time and for missing her birth even if the latter was impossible

ooc: going to bed

Kathrine wasnt going to drop it so easily. Not this time, this was personal and directed at her. She stared at him as he rambled on about custody issues. "Shen..." She said softly. She reached over and put her hand atop of his and his his hand tightly. "....I'm...truely sorry....whatever I did to you....I'm sorry...I left you with all the pain....and can't even share it with you..." She said in a whimper. She hated seeing him this way...unable to look at her...without looking....well....like his father had looked at her...like she was nothing....like she should never have entered his life. "I'm so sorry Shen" She whimpered and took her hand back and wiped away a tear. "Sorry....u-um....Like I said...I'm willing to share custody of her completely....but....I think it's only fair...that...I live....under a different roof then you....and you'd be more than welcome to visit...or if you want I can come visit you with her...and...until she's off my milk....then we can start taking turns on days...." She said, now looking away. She couldnt look at him...it hurt too much....to see him glare at her...he told her twice now...that the past was past...but he seemed un able to let it go....and she coldnt even remember....

Shen closed his eyes tightly. Now that he had raised his voice there was no chance that they'd get back on topic. He needed to steer Kate away from the past even if he was having trouble himself in that area. "I told you, the past is the past. All you need to know is that we've hurt each other." Shen stated, again. "Getting back to the issue at hand.." he began while opening distant brown eyes once more. "We need to come up with a plan and get it in writing so that there's no confusion. I'm here on a visa, but I plan to apply for citizenship. Ceres is already a U.S citizen so there's nothing to worry about. I'll be here, with her. We should figure this out now rather than later." Shen replied softly. He wanted to hold Ceres now, but judging from the way Kate was clinging to her Shen doubted that Kate would hand her over just yet.

Kathrine flinched and held Ceres securly when Shen started to raise his voice. She looked at him with timid hues...Never....never had he yelled at her...where had that come from? Ceres spit up, Kathrine shifted her once more, and wiped her off, covering her breast before hugging her baby close. Kathrine kissed her head softly. "Shen....what....did I do?" She asked while looking at Ceres before her gaze slowly shifted up to Shen. "What....did I do to us?" She asked. She wanted an answer. "Why cant you look at me....without glaring at me..." She asked, her voice soft and her eyes sad

"Moved on, a chance for you to do so? Who was is it that forced-!" Shen suddenly barked, but paused to catch himself. He looked away again while clearing his throat. For a moment, he had forgotten that the Kate infront of him was 17. "S-sorry." Shen whispered. He took in a deep, very deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Once he had regained his composure, he turned to face Kate again. "Then what will we do? The neighborhood I live in is...upper class to say the least. Now, if you'd allow me to buy you a small house thats close by...then maybe that would work." Shen offered. Tho, the issue wasn't really how close Shen wanted Kate. It was how close he wanted his daughter. "Ceres...is everything to me." Shen whispered as his eyes gazed over his now full daughter. "I just want whats best for her and nothing else." he replied softly.

Kathrine looked at him as he trailed off. She knew that look he was deep in thought. She waited for him to continue as he often did. She looked down hearing what he had to say. "Shen....no...It's not just unfair to Himiko...it's unfair to me...." She said as Ceres hiccuped and finished. Kathrine put the towel over her shoulder and shifted Ceres and started to softly pat her back. "Its....I know I said just being near you was enough for me...to make me happy...but...It would be torture to force myself to just ignore a women with you...I want space...I want....I want time to be able to move on...of course I wont take Ceres away from you, it's just, you seem to have moved on...so....I'd....like to be able to try and do the same...seeing as now I dont stand much of a chance to be with you" She said softly.

"This is true...however..." Shen paused and looked away. Honestly, Ceres needed to be with Kate more than anyone. However, Shen was afraid that if allowed such a thing Kate would take Ceres away eventually and he'd never see her again. She had already done it before. She had denied him his right to be there for his daughter's birth. For shen, that had hurt much more than Kate informing him the pain he had suffered wasn't enough. Sighing, Shen shifted his gaze back over towards Kate. "I know we said this wasn't fair....but if you were to move in, just until she's off your milk...perhaps that would work. Also, Himiko and I dont live together. My mother...has forbidden me from allowing Himiko inside the penthouse." Shen sighed as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "She doesn't like Himiko...no...she out right hates her guts. Anyway, if you were to move I think that would solve the problem. I'd just have to talk it over with Himiko and get her to agree somehow."

Kathrine flinched and looked up, not expecting Shen to walk in. She forced another cheerful smile. "Easier said than done....I suppose losing two years doesnt help" She said. And looked down at Ceres. "I dont have a problem with sharing custody, but as an infant isnt she more reliant on me and my milk right now?" She asked looking up at him. "I mean once we start weining her to a normal bottle then You'd be able to take her to your place too and we can split the days...if I can find a place close enough to you we could even switch every other day, so she'd get to see us all the time" Kathrine, said, being very sensible about the whole issue.

"Stop blaming yourself." Came the sound of Shen's voice from the doorway. He walked in and came to sit beside the bed. He was shocked at how much Ceres was glupping down her mother's milk. "Wow..." Shen blinked as he sat back against his chair. "I guess she really was hungry." he smiled, tho his smile soon faded as soon as his eyes left his baby. "Katherine we need to discuss custody rights. I think...as long as you're responsible we can split it 50/50. The problem is, kids from infancy to 10 need a stable environment. That means no running back and forth between parents and other associated people. So...how do we fix this? I want Ceres to be happy. She wont have that if we're to busy competing for her time and affection."

Jacob had stepped out after Kathrine had woke up. Before Shen got there Jake had told her how to go about starting to breast feed rather than bottle feed. She was sitting up, holding Ceres against her, the infant suckled at her breast, seeming to enjoy the milk more than the bottle stuff she had been getting. Kathrine had a light baby blanket over Ceres enough to cover her and her exposed breast, but was able to look down and watch her. She was holding her smiling, she genuinely happy. "You were hungry huh baby girl" Kathrine said, leaning her head down and kissing Ceres Head while the baby fed. She sighed softly. "I guess Mama screwed things up with Daddy..."She said softly, her hues saddened a bit while she talked to her baby. "Daddy's mad at me...But...I can't figure out why..." She said softly. Ceres gurgled and cooed before continuing to suck on her breast

Shen returned after about two hours. He had got a nice room for Himiko and him. This time, Himiko stayed put. She told shen that she'd hang out by the indoor pool while he went to visit Ceres. As Shen walked through the halls of the hospital towards Kate's room he wondered if the nurses were doing their jobs. Kate needed to learn how to breast feed. She'd also need to learn how to properly change a diaper and how to bathe Ceres. Tho, neither of those things were difficult. The breast feeding could be a problem tho. Kate and him would probably only see each other every other day or so, maybe more. It was then that Shen realized that they'd need to come up with some sort of agreement for the rights to Ceres. Normally, a judge would give the child to the mother, but no judge would ownership of a child to an unemployed parent. Shen and KAte would have to have a lengthy discussion..

Kathrine had drifted to sleep quickly. Once Shen left Jacob moved around the bed so he could see Ceres. He smiled and sat down watching the girls. He yawned and rested his head on the edge of the bed and fell asleep himself. He was tired from all the stress...at least by the sounds of it, he'd still be able to see Ceres, and continue to stay with Kathrine, if she allowed it. Maybe she'd be interested in a relationship once she got to know him more...at least he could hope for such things...

"Sleep well." Shen whispered just before stepping out. He wasn't sure what Jacob was trying to pull. To shen, it appeared the guy was trying to take advantage of Kate's condition. Tho, shen himself was not sure why he cared. Perhaps it was because Kate had lost her memories that he did. He was certain that if Kate's memories were still in tact he had would taken Ceres and left without a single word. Everything was so complicated, again. Sighing, Shen spotted Himiko standing in the hall. They still needed to get a hotel room. He was about to walk up behind her, but the moment Himiko heard footsteps coming from behind she hung up and twirled around. "You...ok?" Shen blinked. Himiko had been acting a little strange, well..stranger than normal. She was becoming a little secretive too. "I just wanna leave. I mean dont get me wrong, I'm happy for you and all...but.." She whispered while her eyes found the floor. Shen closed the distance between them. He embraced her tightly and nuzzled his neck down into her neck. "I know...I know none of this is fair to you." he whispered. "You should let her go." Himiko muttered while her arms came to wrap around shen's neck. "What do you mean?" shen asked. "If that fag...er...whoever wants Kate, let him have her. That wont stop her from being a mother...so you have nothing to lose really."

"Y-yeah but...still" Kathrine said, but had never figured out how to win on these types of arguments with Shen, he never had been one to back down, hell it was a fight to get her to agree to joining the program even after she said she wouldnt do it since his job was on the line...and even still he found a way to get her to agree. Just before Shen asked, Kathrine yawned, looking down at Ceres while Shen brushed his hand against his little girls. "Yeah...a nap sounds good" She said and yawned again. She slowly turned to her side, Ceres bundled in her arms, while she cuddled with her daughter. Her violet hues slowly closed, exhausted. Jacob moved onto a chair and pulled out a magezine without saying a word. He found it pointless to argue with a guy about leaving a loved one without a word after he had done so to Kate before

"Perhaps. No, you are right its none of my business. I'm just curious how he and Jazz might react when they learn that you're returning to NY, but not for him." Shen stated with a small shrug of his shoulders. After that, he lost interest in speaking to Jacob any further. "Dont complain." Shen frowned, his eyes on Kate. "This is not a hand out. This is me aiding the mother of my child. Its expected." he stated simply. Himiko's eyes shifted between Kate and Shen. Even if Shen claimed he had no feelings for Kate, Himiko knew that Shen still thought about his ex. A child would surely bring them together eventually. Just then, Himiko's phone rung. She looked at the number and quickly answered. "I'll be outside shen, just grab me when you're ready." she whispered before walking out. Shen nodded. He walked over to Kate's bedside and gently ran his finger tips along Ceres' tiny hands. "Would you like to nap with her for a bit? She looks comfortable." shen smiled, tho only slightly. He was glad that Kate wanted to be apart of his daughter's life...however...now he'd need to figure out how he'd deal with being around Kate. The fact that she had lost her memory only made things harder, much harder.

Kathrine blinked looking back and forth between Jacob and Shen. "Okay," She said. "Why are you getting all deffensive about what my relation is with her anyway, you've clearly moved on" Jacob noted looking at Himiko, not in a rude way, just a matter of fact way. "As for Josh and I...it's none of your concern" He said. "Shen...I can't let you do that..." Kathrine said, Ceres started to fuzz as so many voices started to overlap. "Hush hush" Kathrine purred and started to rock her a little, making Ceres calm down. "I can get her a job, no problem" Jacob said. "I'll help you look for a place too, we have to make sure dogs are allowed" Jake said. "Dogs?" Kate asked. "Yeah...theres a pup back at the cabin waiting for you" Jake said. "A pup...what?" She asked again. "You had found a pup in a hunters trap and rescued it. Treated its wound. Ever since then Lobo follows you anywhere" Jake said

"No." Shen stated and rather bluntly while his eyes locked onto Jacob. "He is your 'friend'. I'm curious tho, when you took Katherine away all you left was a note. You didn't even leave word with your boyfriend." Shen stated, his eyes now on Kate. "He's gay, or bi...or whatever, but you two have no romantic relationship." he stated. Himiko said nothing. What could she say really? "In any case, if you're not working for me I think we should find you a job of some sort first. You wont be able to stay in your dorm. Once you have a job then we can look at apartments. Naturally, I'll help with rent until you're on your feet."

Kathrine looked up at him...she had noticed his lack of a smile...he had always smiled at him before....had she done something to make him mad? It must have been her fault...her stubborness...something.... "Yeah...sounds good" She said and looked to the door as Himiko walked back in. Jacob walked back in as well and sat on the bed next to Kathrine. "Everything okay?" He asked while Himiko kissed Shen. "Yeah, I'm going to help raise her...I want to be a part of her life..." She said while shifting Ceres. "So, shall I find us a place back in New York?" He asked. Kathrine blinked. "Huh?" She asked. "Kate, We've been living together for the last 7 months, would it really hurt to keep living together in New York?" He asked. Kathrine tilted her head. "Are we...dating or something?" She asked looking at Jake. "I wish..." He muttered.

"Well...as long as you wish to be apart of her life...thats all I want. We can figure out where you'll live and what you'll do later. You are right tho. Its not fair for you to live with me. Its not fair to either of us...or Himiko." Shen stated after pausing for a moment to remember Himiko. Their relationship was complicated. They were together, but it wasn't anything serious...or at least not yet. "Well then." Shen whispered as he rose to his feet. Maybe Katherine would notice, but he had only smiled when he was holding Ceres. Everytime he had gazed at Kate his face turned into stone. "I had planned to take Ceres and leave, but if you're going to be apart of her life I see no reason why we cant stay here and wait for you to recover. It will be a few days before your stitches will allow you to move without ripping. Also...Ceres looks happy in your arms." Shen replied softly. On that note, Himiko came walking back into the room. "Times up." She frowned. Shen nodded. "I'm sorry..." he whispered. Himiko walked up to him. She gently ran her hand along his cheek and leaned up to press her full lips against his. "Its fine. I just dont like being left out. So, are we leaving or..?" she asked. Shen shook his head. "We'll get a hotel and stay for a few days."

Kathrine looked up at him as he told her not to cry or apologize. "Even so...I cant see you ever hurting anyone...not intentionally..." She said and smiled. She wasnt mad...or offended. Even as he told her he was with the women who had come bursting into the room. Her hues jad just saddened like when he had rejected her confession. She looked off to the side. "Shen....that's not fair....I cant live with you while your with someone else....its not fair to me...or Himiko..." She said softly. "But I do want to be a part of Ceres' life...and be her mother....I dont know how good of a mom I'll be...but I dont want to leave her...knowing she's mine" She said and softly kissed the baby's forehead

"Save your tears...and dont apologize." Shen whispered as he looked away from her. "We hurt each other...its as simple as that. However...well the past is in the past. The answer your question tho, no we're not together. I'm...sort of seeing the blonde that was just in here. Her name is Himiko. She works as a Doctor at a hospital I used to work at." Shen stated. Slowly, his brown eyes shifted back to Kate, but only for a moment. He looked down at Ceres. She was so beautiful, so innocent. "Katherine..." Shen began, his eyes now on here's. "Right now my main priority is Ceres. She needs not a mother, but her mother. I want to you to come with me and work. I'm guessing that you've forgotten nearly all the work you've done for the last...year or so. If thats the case, then you returning to the program wouldn't do you any good. I dont know maybe you can take pictures or something, but I definitely want you in Ceres' life. I want her to grow up knowing that she's loved by both her parents...even if they're not together."